ENGAGING CULTURE

So I’m back, I had a nice time of relaxation and refocusing during my hiatus. If your box office news is dependent upon me (in which case you would be severely under/mis-informed) then you didn’t miss much. The past two weeks have given us two huge bombs and two lackluster “remakes.”

The Happening - a Half of a Star

I cannot emphasize enough, DO NOT go see The Happening. It lacks the creativity and skilled execution that I expect from M. Night Shyamalan. The Happening is supposed to be suspenseful and intriguing, but it comes off funnier than Mike Myers’ best attempts at humor. But I will give M. Night Shyamalan this, I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. I was totally captivated by the ability of this film to suck the creative ability out of otherwise marginally compelling actors. Mark Wahlberg looks about as stale as his brother Donnie, and can’t even convince me that he has enough intelligence to teach high school science. Zooey Deschanel whom I normally enjoy wasn’t any better, she was supposed to be giving Wahlberg’s character the cold shoulder, but instead she just came off like she was depressed or semi-retarded. The only positive in this film was [spolier]the early dismissal of John Leguizamo’s character. [/spolier] I could barely understand him when he spoke, and he must have been the combination math teacher and limp-wristed paddle-ball coach because I didn’t buy his academic credentials at all. 80% of the movie is spent with people staring off into the distance, running from the wind, or killing themselves in boring conventional ways (mostly off-screen). And oh yeah, Wahlberg apologizes to a plastic tree. This should have been called The Crap-ening.

The Love Guru - One Star

As I recall, Mike Myers was at one point in time at least remotely funny. I mean, Wayne’s World was good. And I’ll even admit that the first Austin Powers was unique and interesting and at times, yes, funny. But in Myers first live-action return to the big screen since The Cat in the Hat (2003), the jokes are old and the audiences are tired of hearing Myers’ absurd voices. The movie is mercifully short (80 minutes), but the plot is as thin as an anorexic teen starlet on cocaine. Guru Pitka must solve the love woes of the Toronto Maple Leaves star player (Justin Timberlake) so that they can win the Stanley Cup. Toronto winning the Stanley Cup? That is a leap of faith that I’m not willing to make. What am I talking about, I don’t even watch hockey, and neither does the rest of America. I wonder if they think the guru is unfunny in Canada, eh?

The Incredible Hulk - Seven-and a-Half Stars

I was and still am confused at why The Incredible Hulk hasn’t done better at the box office. It is getting fairly good reviews, especially from the people that count, fans. I didn’t expect it to be as big of an opening as Iron Man, because of the baggage it carries from 5 years ago. Ang Lee’s Hulk wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but as a general rule, we Americans want to see cool transformations and epic fight scenes and hear witty dialogue. We don’t care so much about the character’s daddy issues, we just know he’s mad. This incarnation of the big green machine pulled that off. Louis Letterier kept the backstory the Ang Lee so beautifully and heartbreakingly told, but he moved forward and cranked up the action. Forget mutant poodles, now we have a real villain. Ed Norton did a great job showing the inner turmoil of suppressing the deadly weapon that is the Hulk until a deadlier weapon is unleashed that he must stop. Liv Tyler was on par as the Hulk’s wispy-voiced and weepy love interest, Betty Ross. Tim Roth made me feel Blonksy’s slow transformation from aging warrior to super soldier and, after the thirst for power becomes too much, the Abomination. I think Tim Blake Nelson turned in the surprise of the night as Dr. Samuel Stearns. He made me think he could actually be intelligent, but seemed enough off kilter that I will love seeing him return in a sequel as the villain, The Leader. You’ll want to see these effects on the big screen, and look out for over an hour of additional footage that was left on the cutting room floor on the DVD / Blu-Ray release.

Get Smart

I confess, that I haven’t seen Get Smart yet. It looks so funny. It’s Mel Brooks’ source material. Steve Carell’s hilarious dry humor. Anne Hathaway is stunning. Alan Arkin is a comedy legend. And even Dwayne Johnson is surprising me with his genuine acting ability. Teresa and I will see it next weekend. I couldn’t convince Teresa on Wall-e. She will regret not seeing it in theaters. So I’ve heard mostly good reviews and it thoroughly trounced Love Guru at the Box Office. So I hope it live up to my expectations and ends up being better than Don Adams’ attempt at the big screen version of Get Smart, The Nude Bomb. I’ll be back later with my picks for this week and a family announcement.